Beyond A’s and B’s

 

         “Be yourself,” they say, but why is it that every time I’m true to myself, all I get is judgement? 

   

    When I was young, I was just like everyone else— happy, playful, smileful, and mischievous. When I started studying, I was still like any other average student— sometimes noisy, sometimes quiet. I do not consider myself as a star of the class, nor did I shine bright like a diamond in my teachers’ eyes.

   But everything changed when the pandemic hit. Before the pandemic, I was the kind of student who was content with just passing. But when I reached grade 9, my perspective on studying changed. I received a grade of 72 on my report card, which really disappointed me. My parents didn’t show anger when they saw the grade, but deep down, I knew that sadness had taken control of their emotions.

      As a student, I was known as someone who wasn’t an academic achiever but could pass. However, at that very moment, when I saw my mom’s eyes, I realized it was time to change my attitude towards studying. I promised myself I would take my studies seriously when face to face classes resumed.

      I want to give my parents the life they want and deserve. So in grade 10, I started taking my academics seriously. From Marikina to Tarlac, I enrolled here at San Manuel for grade 10, and fortunately, I made it to the top. I immediately entered the honor roll in our class. Since then, my parents, classmates and teachers started expecting more from me. It was new to me, as I was never really like this.

       Now, fast-forward to grade 12. I feel like I’m back to who I really am— someone who studies to pass, no longer shining like a diamond in my teachers’ eyes. And that’s when I started hearing judgement. It scares me, but somehow I feel free. I’m still trying my best, but not to please anyone. The truth is, I don’t see myself growing old or having a great profession, but whatever God has in store for my life, 𝐓𝐡𝐲 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐛𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞. For I know that the heavens are higher than the earth, so are His ways than mine.